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As I cruised the crowded walkways of Texas State University, I noticed an alarming number of “Hand Sanitizer - It’s Legit” Signs.
The immediate response I had was that of overwhelming sadness which had its epicenter in the pit of my soul. This overwhelming underwhelmedness and pity for the human race was achieved through the ever so annoying catch phrase “Its legit”.
After collecting what little will I had to continue living after experiencing this tragic attempt at instilling school pride I contemplated this recent onslaught of alcohol based “sanitizers”.
As one who is thoroughly committed to enraging as many people as I can through conjecture and rhetoric I often take the stance that evolution is as provable as the existence of god. Atheists hate this. However, when contemplating actual day to day life I am forced to accept certain truths. For example, at one time when I was a small child I had what is commonly accepted as “The Chickenpox” (or the “Hocklaphagycitis” - as it is known in Canada). Theories about the immune system are numerous but the “what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger” motto seems to sum it up pretty nicely. After my bout with the chickenpox… I never contracted the illness again. If one was to a) accept that little white blood cells attack pathogens in your bloodstream and b) anti-bodies are created so that these pathogens can be eradicated before they harm the body, then, my body seems to have successfully immunized me from further bouts of the chickenpox.
Here’s my point. You receive a lot of antibodies from your mom when you are born. You also build your immune system IMMENSELY when you are young (body and metabolism in much better shape than when you are 80 and the years of uppers, downers, and hallucinogens have taken their toll). If we are giving our youth hand sanitizer , make them shower, tell them to stop eating their boogers, and forcing them stop eating chocolate covered pretzels while sitting on the toilet then I think that we are hurting our kids. True, they may be killing bacteria that may make them sick, but a) they are killing the weak bacteria so that the F***ing crazy stupid strong SUPER bacteria infect your sphincter and you have to start buying diapers way earlier (shopping with grandpa may save money) and b) our immune systems are so weak that we will get sick incredibly easily (actually probably good for the economy? no…. nevermind).
Parents, let your kids eat their boogers.
-Alex
